This week, on Cliched Bridget Jones Adventures, Ms. Bitchy Pants goes to her very first wedding, rationally expecting that it would NOT play out like a chick flick or some sitcom, but boy, was rationality fucked on this one. Especially when Ms. Bitchy Pants desperately claims in front of everyone to be an engaged to a lesbian named Ashley to get out of the bouquet toss and to quell the bat-shit crazy fiance of some dude who had the hots for her three years ago.
Out of all the empty seats, this bitch moseys up to the one next to me. My Best Friend’s Wedding has not prepared me for this shit.
She sits down. I know who she is, but I make no show of it.
“I know who you are,” she says. Well, that was not expected. No “Hello” or “How you doing?” to soften the blow? Well, you can’t accuse her for pussyfooting around.